Feeling a Transformative Year

Jeannie, thank you!  I seek transformation this year.  A deep transformation.  I am studying my soul, my heart, my breath..following as deeply as possible, and then studying how to live that which is deep.

Even the intense interest is causing the change, you know.  You must sit in the gap to know yourself.  It is so easy to be deceived by the mind that change is happening, transforming, and nothing is happening!…nothing is happening except in your mind (laughing!)……I yearn now..yearn for transformation!

There is a fear…a feeling in the belly, because there needs to be jump out of the old into the new…a jump!  Not a transition..a jump!  I feel I am gathering energy, momentum..to jump!  I hear the cunning mind not really wanting a change, to transform…giving me the old.  And I simply smile.  Whisper back to my mind…'no!'   “I wish to allow the energy to move me this time.”  I tell the mind! (smile!)…not you, my mind! 

A persistent, intense and long effort I feel before me to bring about what is inside…

Thank you, Jeannie!
I adore you!
all my love!
Cheyenne

Oh, Chi!  I…your loving heart touches me!  Thank you for your beautiful words!
 
I feel so many pieces right now…fragments of knowledge, love, compassion..possibility…how to make them dance?  Just as you say, the heart knows!!!…the heart knows!  Silence is needed to allow it speak, to dance, yes?  Feeling a certain intuitiveness, something!  Just feeling it…remaining sensitive, open to any possibility that might be hidden in the heart.
 
Chaitanyo!..transparency!  What a beautiful word.  Emptiness….no knowlege, just the beating heart and its wisdom. 
 
I embrace you, Chaitanyo, with my full heart! 
I actually do not have words to tell you how I feel about you…I am so grateful!
I hope you feel wonderful today…and everyday!
all my love!
Cheyenne

Silke, hi!!!…do you?  Spend time fighting!?    Me too!..I've learned to enjoy it!

My mind cannot accept a boundary anywhere!…so easily I come against anything that appears to be placing a boundary on my soul.  I enjoy and seek an open sky!  Not at all easily content..even enjoying the friction (!) that often fuels the hidden potential inside!  Unlimited possibilities are latent inside - and it takes energy and a sort of -dis-content-ness to bring it forth.

Maybe, Silke, fighting is a sign of our love.  It is our love frustrated!…potential is there and it cannot be contained and restricted…

….so..let's fight! (meow - Roar!) As we grow more loving towards ourself, we easily then can give it to others, yes?  When I am allowed to see my own potential, I can then easily allow others to have theirs.

Love is the answer…even when there's no question! (laughing!)….

Silke, thank you!  It is so good to see you!
big big hug!!!….I hope all is well!…
Lovingly,
Cheyenne 

Good Morning, Beautiful Janak!!!…..

Break the Ego..hmmm?…I love watching it.  I love watching it…

It is the most amazing thing..life.  Watching the mind, energy, physical, world.  Fighting is love to me.  Sincerely.  When I fight, it is for love.  Seems contradictory…but I demand from the other….don't hide.  I insist that love has its way.  I am the water and the rock….hard, stubborn, unmovable, consistent, strong, flowing, soft, alive, bubbling, swirling, violent, silent.  - I am that which sees all that I am.

Why not?….!  What can go wrong?…only people live their whole life not knowing the self that doesn't die.  This is unbearable in my eyes.  It makes me cry…so much is there, so little lived.

We would eat you entirely up, Janak.  Yet you are so damn cute, handsome, loving and charming that we would spare you some.  You are the dance of the wind and creation would weep without you.  So she made a Janak to make the dance complete.  To give us music that moves our feet.  She brought forth a lover to make women feel whole.  So they can remember the one that is home.

Mr. DJ!  I hope your day is wonderful!  A dance!  I truly think you are talented with music, love, sharing and being!

So much love to you, Janak!
Cheyenne

OH!  Earthling Janak!!!! Please, please - don't stop!  Another and another and another and another!

Wow!….I enjoyed these very much…particularly Hari Om Shiva Om!…I thought I would dance the universe!  Every vision filled me…every vision I have seen!  Every vision I know!  So beautiful!

Shiva Om…Hari Om - Hari Om, Shiva Om…Shiva Om, Hari Om…..Hari Om, Shiva Om…Shiva Om…..Hari Om…..

Hari Om, Shiva Om….Shiva Om, Hari Om!…

Oh, I could dance for eternity..please, may I dance an eternity to Hari Om, Shiva Om…Hari Om! - to the One who has made my feet - to the One who has given me a heart - to the One I love.

Thank you, sincerely…

thank you!

Lovingly,
Cheyenne

Thank you, Janak!

I am not a girl in a candy store, no!  I am my Mother!…I am my Father's daughter. I am existence..seeing all she is.  I am eternal rest!  Eternal dance!…I am the silence behind every moment, behind every tear.  It has always been here…rest only from what you think you are.  Rest completely…

The song is beautiful…”I will love to you till the end of time.”  I have seen love does have an end…and it is beautiful.  Precious.  Forever is only momentary.  Forever means totally now!  Forever means I am lost to this moment.

I will never rest from the dance, Janak.  I am the dance…I am the rest.

My existence is false….no need to bow!…bow to the mirror!

That would make me smile!
Wish you a beautiful weekend!
all my love!
Cheyenne

and ps…my children are going to enjoy deeply this video…thank you!

and also THANK YOU for the Ted.com…I look forward to this!

Thank you, RLtrughtseeker-artist!

That made me laugh and smile in remembrance that once…when I was having many children and the stress level in every area of my life was unbearable, Bruce Lee was a savior to me.

If there was a way to photograph my mind, you would always see my holding an image of Bruce Lee..saying to myself like a mantra, “If he can do that, I can do this.”  over and over…I would repeat as I met the stresses of my life…I continued saying to myself, “If he can do that, I can do this.”

“The art of expressing the human body” - when mine always looked like a Telly Tubby. (smile!)
Striking Thoughts: Bruce Lee's Wisdom for Daily Living
Bruce Lee- Words from a Master
The Tao of Gung Fu!

Luckily what happened was I died..literally.  And when I returned to life, I didn't need Bruce Lee.  I found myself.  Even though I only had the strength of a pre-mature baby, I nurtured that small breath until many years later it was vital - even now dangerous (smile!)…

I kiss Bruce Lee's feet.  I consider him a savior somehow.

That's why your words touched me today…brought back so much into my heart!

Yes!  Why fight!  The blows of reality are deflected by love with merely a gesture from an awakened one!

I so enjoy your laughter!  Thank you so much!

with love,
Cheyenne

Feeling Brilliant today!

Have a lot of gratitude towards my family.  How they put up with me (?)!!!

Sometimes I will meditate all day!  The children will say “Mommy, when are you going to make us something to eat?”  I say, “As soon as I can see the kitchen with my eyes closed!”….we laugh together. 

—And today..a victory!  I actually did the Arabic Hip Walk without looking like a goat!

Many many days of practice, touching the space where everything is utterly fresh, utterly new. Not a sound or an echo from the past.  I watch it in wonder!  You are either in or out.  Feels like learning how to enter a magic waterfall…

Laughing when I am out!  Whispering always to myself “Number One skill in meditation - Don't believe a word you are saying!”

Wishing all a beautiful day!
lovingly,
Cheyenne

Have you ever watched that movie “Meet Jo Black.”  The man in the movie kept hearing a voice saying, “Yes.”  “Yes.”….for days he heard the voice.  “Yes.”  The voice of death…

For days now I hear a voice whispering to me “Drop it!”  “Drop it!”  I keep ignoring it, as the man did - knowing it was the voice of death.  I know this voice as a Master telling me now mediation is useless.  Drop it!  I start to cry, shake everywhere…like ask me anything.  Anything!  But don't ask me that!  Don't ask me to drop the only lifeline I've ever had!  Please Master!  You know I will do anything, anything…have done anything…just don't ask that!

How does one live without meditation?
 
Free!  ….whether controlled by yourself or others makes no difference.  Control is control.  How does one live without meditation?  You learn to be spontaneous!  Live moment to moment without any prefabricated discipline.  Meditate if you want to, but do not think you'll get anything from it.
 
Just live spontaneously.  Not knowing where you are going. Just being spontaneous. Not even being skilled, just allow.  Relax the ultimate relaxation.  All practice should take you from the known to the unknown.  Only then are you liberated.

 
You cannot achieve the way through discipline. Discipline is of the mind.  The mind is of the past.  All conditioning comes from mind.  Once the mind is absolutely known, then the discipline must be dropped.  If practice continues, then you might get a little modified experience here and there, but essentially always it is mind.

Have courage to live spontaneous! Of course it will be dangerous.  That is
the only attraction I have to it (smile!).  You cannot plan for the future.  You must get up wide-eyed and face the day without practice, without meditation, without security.  Come out of the grave!  Don't corrupt the future!

Simply have the courage to face whatever is going to happen.

Dear Janak!  Thank you so sincerely!  You never speak out of line!  I will say though, that I do not get frustrated…rarely…to never….!!  I do get sexually aggressive though (laughing!)……I get sexually demanding!  (confession!)…but not to drivers or out of control boys on the street.  I get aggressive to those I think can handle it..and those that want me too. (smile!)

No…those that go so wrong, so lost…I smile to them.  Send them compassion from the bottom of my soul.  Those that go very wrong, often are the ones that can go very right!   Maybe we have gone wrong, that is why we hold to what we feel is right.  I know in this life, I have suffered greatly, down to my bones, deep in my cells, I have been rebellious since coming out of the womb.  We do not need to get frustrated. That frustration comes from mind, is a mirror of how we feel about ourselves, maybe, yes?  When we know the deepest parts of ourselves, I have yet to meet the person that can do as poorly as me.  Why be frustrated at them…they doing what they want to do..and that is good enough.  Let them.  Love them.  That is the best we can do!  Yes?

I am surprised at what is being presented in my consciousness.  Today I looked in the mirror to ask myself, “Can you do this?  Can you let go of meditation?”  And the person I saw looking at me was the one asking me to do it.  I simply said to the one looking at me, “I respect you. I love you far more than I can explain. I respect you far more than I respect my decisions.  Because whatsoever I can do will be limited and whatsoever You can do will be unlimited.

One simply has to come to emptiness, utter emptiness. And when I say “utter emptiness” I mean one has not to be just empty.  Utter emptiness means empty of everything and also empty of emptiness.  Otherwise the mind is so cunning it can now cling to a new idea of emptiness.

Once you are utterly empty you are a mirror. You are not only aware of your inner truth, you become aware of the truth of the whole existence.  And they are not two…

I hear my father…(I should maybe not call him that..but he is!  He is my father.)….The father of Zen, Bodhidharma..Zen is not a philosophy at all.  A philosophy is of the mind.  Zen is beyond mind, the process of going above mind, far away from the mind.  It is the process of transcendence.

You cannot understand it by the mind; mind has no function in it.

A rare flowering! 

Janak!  You are so beautiful..!   The girl was so enjoying herself in the video..now that's the sort of surrender I'm talking about!  Nothing to be afraid of !!!!!

Loving YOU!
Joyfully!
Cheyenne

Chaitanyo, wow!…

One..no!  I did not see the kitchen.  I had to actually go in there and cook!..my worse talent!…!!!!

Now…that's perfection!  “We don't stop meditation but is a chance we become meditation!”

YES!….we become meditation! What a big smile!!  Now I am IN!  Totally IN!  Perfectly said! 

Die, O, Yogi, Die, the sweet death!

“…because you are already here and you you always will be here in deep silence and in laughter with the little ones preparing delicious
food and flowing in love to all of us.”

Chaitanyo..I am only going to drink your words!  They are perfection!..You are perfection!

Thank you…(laughing!)..bowing!..thank you!…

Lovingly..!
Cheyenne

Kathy!!!!!  Thank you!

It is the goal, yes?  That the individuals' intelligence merges with the soul's.

Though I certainly cannot claim this!  I so appreciate your complement!

Honestly…honestly.  I am goofy beyond belief!…I do mean this! 

All desires are the same..money, meditation, power, longing for god.  The desire is the same…the desire changes, but you never change.  What we long for cannot change us, the object of longing has no effect on the inner being.  It is the same game played another way.

Sincerely..I feel what is happening is I am ready to be honest.  Utterly honest. Okay now with a revolution.  I feel no energy trying to prevent it.  I can be honest now even with my own husband (laughing!!!)…(this is huge!)…that's been the test..for me!  When you can tell the spouse the utter truth, your deepest truth..and know you could lose everything for it…that's big for me.  Honest…about everything..even to myself.  No censoring!  No hiding! 

Hey, Kathy!  Thank you!  Sincerely thank you!
lovingly,
Cheyenne 

Hi Ben!…It is good to see you!

No, I am not back (smile!)…

Sincerely, this is “slowing down.”  The pace was too fast for me at this time.  Writing and doing photos..that was fun for summer. Nobody needed me!  Now..uh!  Wow.  It is like a -what? - Crazy at my house!  Children running in and out…most of the time, I don't know half the children in the house!  I just feed them and get their life story!  Martial Arts, Dance, Soccer, Track, Band - I started two new groups, Chidlren's Meditation and Freedom From Anxiety!..Private Practice is full (!). And working continuously with the University in NY that is completing the handwriting project! -

No, I'm not back (laughing!)…this is 'lingering' around!  Enjoying, sharing!

It is beautiful to sign on and see what others are doing!…and sharing here and there!

Ben, a hug to you!..and another!
I am hoping you are fine!!
lovingly!
Cheyenne

Chiatanyo, I feel if you live in society, you will have this split feeling, this neurotic feeling.  All the unnatural drives.  And the split goes deep!  The feeling part and the thinking part have become split, they speak different languages. And the feeling part is more real than the thinking part.  Feeling is more natural.  It is our heart.  And it has become severely suppressed. Even when we say we are feeling, we are now thinking!  Feeling is almost dead. That is our fight, I feel.  To keep our feelings alive! 
 
I feel I suppress because my feelings are strong. If I allow them, I will not be appreciated, loved.  Who could accept such a feeling person?  I try to behave!  I want to scream and cry…love and shout!  But I have molded myself to fit the American Dream. Quite literally, I was not educated.  Where I came from you could easily get a high school diploma and not know how to read and write.  The principal of the school kissed my cheek at graduation and whispered in my ear “I have no idea how you are getting this.”  I laughed in front of everyone!  He was right.  I never went to school.  And in class I was obsessed my whole life with the dictionary!  Loving words!  Loving them! Then went on to be a court reporter…Oh, more words! 
 
What I mean is - thinking was never really developed.  The feelings are more natural, honest.  And that is what I mean by being honest.  Just have to accept, I probably will not be loved as I am! (laughing!)…I will not follow certain rules just be get along!  I do not wish to compromise at all!  Zero!  I see no benefit.

The split between the suppressed feelings and then false ones that were imposed on it, and then the unreal mind that was developed, it just seems that the split is so tremendous that we will never bridge it.  But we will (smile!)..we will (smile!).  The real is not lost!  The real is still there.  We just must not be afraid to go against society, to have society go against us. 
 
It is a challenge, a true challenge (!) to find what our authentic needs are.  Because if we do not, we go after our non-authentic needs. 
 
I feel the most basic thing is this - we want to be loved.  But love often moves into a false dimension.  It becomes false.  I personally want my love to pay attention to me!  Which I interpret as love.  It is a basic need..spend time with me.  When you love someone you pay attention to them.  Attention and love are deeply related.  I suppress that need for love…then I go and try and fulfill it by getting attention from others. And though it comes, it is not fulfilling.  It is still false.  Just to have one person that deeply is with you, paying attention to you, being present.  This need and the American Dream has caused my personality to become some neurotic. (laughing!).
 
BUT (smile!)…with Tantra!  I find many innovative ways to become whole!  Many!  (smile!)  I see no need to wait on the other!  We do not need to remain split!  We can become one at any moment!  Feelings unite - thinking splits!  The difficulty I see - even working with people - is that we 'think' about feelings. No good!  You must feel the feelings! meow!!…prrrrrrrrrr…..
 
Feeling make us whole!  Involve your whole body in it! 
 
Become PURE feeling!  Return to innocence!  Throw the head out!  Completely…(smile!)

And it is good to read of your dancing, Chatanyo!  Sometimes in dance you enter a rare moment, a tremendous wildness, and suddenly you can forget that you are split, you relax into the energy of union with body, mind, spirit - a coolness and hotness at the same time surrounds you and you do not have to be false because no other human is there, just you and the movement, the breath, the rhythm, the love and pounding heart beating as a prayer to the whole. Then whatever the situation is we feel for a moment at peace, happy, blissful, natural!  These moments are priceless! 

May you dance and feel peace forever, Chaitanyo!  We will become whole this life! (smile!)…Feeling completely One!

Sending you all my love!
and I love you too!
Cheyenne

My heart is pounding in Zen!  Recalling my favorite Zen statement:

“The fearless thought of Zen is like the powerful roaring of a lion, striking terror into the hearts of all other animals.  Even the king of the elephant runs off, forgetting his dignity. Disciples of good heart, they alone, like the old dragon hear that roaring with calm delight.”

Zen is the Lion's Roar!!!!!!..meow.  All other religions compromise.  The compromise with your sleep.  Zen is non-compromising! It does not care about your sleep and your beautiful dreams!  No!  No!  It shocks you!  It is the lion's roar!…

It can be heard only with a deep love for truth!  It can be heard only by those who are real inquirers, not just curious!  But for those ready, really ready, to go through a radical transformation!…

Ready even to die!….and be reborn!

It takes guts!  Courage!

My heart is opening right now…the mystery is right here, right now.

Lovingly,
Cheyenne

Hi, Chiatyano!  MUA?

I have been sitting much today…enjoying the third eye.  Contemplating the reality of Zen.  Feeling how much I love this art.  The Ancient Masters that gave it.  How sacred it is to me.  Literally, I wish to die for it.  Knowing no matter what else comes or goes, I shall spend my life in this art, till I know exactly what they tasted.  Exactly.

Feeling a distinction somehow in myself.  I do a lot third eye meditation..a lot!  Hours of it.  I enjoy the realm above.  It is so silent.  And being a mother of five children..etc., etc…wishing more than anything to know the truth of our existence..this place offers a different reality than I know otherwise.

But still that is not Zen. Zen is being absolutely who you are..without any conditioning.  Everything is coming apart in just a few short days..weeks.  I shall continue to allow it fall apart.  All of it.  And the strength to remain honest, moment to moment….

Watching this moment.

I hope you enjoy your dinner!…I am now playing on the floor with my children.

Lovingly,
Cheyenne

Chaitanyo, thank you so much for sharing!…yes, the residues of bitterness, old hurts burdening the heart!  Coming home to them.  Honestly.  I am not making them go away…I am living them out.  They are words of truth inside. Not lies.  Not something to cover over. 

And the beauty is that if they are lived, they disappear…and I fall in love.  Not with anyone or anything, just fall in love! 

I hope you stay very close to the bitterness..let it speak to you, yes?  And know you have my ears…my silence! (smile!)….

And it does take courage…and intelligence!  Intelligence to against the unintelligent crowd that surrounds you!  Courage means fearlessness.  The society, the people around you, will in every way try to force you according to their ideas.  And their ideas are simply stupid.  Unbelievable what I see.  What people say.  It is better to suffer than to compromise. Even the bitterness in your heart is better than compromising to the stupidity around us.  Rejoice in the bitterness.  At least it is authentic!  Through compromising it, you may save your skin, but you will lose your soul.

Courage means to live your individual truth, not to live like a sheep- but a lion!!! 

I am stompping around asserting “I am myself, and my life is my life, and I am going to live it in my way.  I am not here to live according to others, and I won't allow anybody to dictate to me how I should live.  What I should do.  I will live according to my own light whatsoever the cost, even if I go to hell it is better than going to heaven by compromising to another.”

And what makes me laugh…after others have backed off..I enjoy simply getting along! (laughing!)….loving the moment over and over! Dying every moment…laughing as the new comes in!  Feeling it like a new birth!

Chaitanyo, I hope you allow the tears to come…with your light and love, it will make a rainbow.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAIKznMPXUk

Way up high (!)….
…..where troubles fall like lemon drop…

…..and a dream that you dare dream..

And this is my idea of making love to death!!!!….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvvHy4zraJQ&feature=related

Loving You..
lovingly!
Cheyenne

In this movie, Chaitanyo, this man is Death.  He took over another's body and fell in love with this beautiful girl.  I enjoy this movie very much.  It is called “Meet Jo Black.”

I wish you a wonderful day!…a beautiful concert!

You get sick at your stomach!  One would if we have to continue living it the way we do! 

If we want more from life, we simply must rise a little higher in consciousness than where we are.  And the higher we rise, the more we can see..until we reach the ultimate height, Buddhahood!…then there is no past, future.  There is clarity, no bondage!  No sickness at the stomach! (laughing!)…!

I adore you..and wish you the best day!

Yes!  who is there to see it!!!  Puff!!!

Reminds me of when I sat before Buddha, his words….year after year.  He would say this to you:

“You are stupid, lazy, unintelligent and unable to understand truth.”  Then he would say, “Do not let your stupid, lazy, unintelligent self get in the way of your understanding.”  And I would smile that goofy smile you get in the gap…empty, smiling.  My mind would rush to the scene asking “What do you see?”  I say “I see nothing!  Only I was able to step out of my stupid, lazy, unintelligent self and see nothing!  see truth!”  See truth..nothing!  Buddha is brilliant!

Lovingly!
Cheyenne

Chaitanyo!  You truly make me laugh!  Each time!…

…I'm sitting here in penetrating meditation.  And suddenly I open my eyes and say..'who has just entered my field?  Who is this light I feel.”  I knew when I came to the computer it was YOU!…it felt like you.  Quick, bright, dropping in like a breeze!

Luckily, there's no need to be superhuman!  No need to give up chocolate!

The greatest need is love.  Not a commune of ascetics.  Those are pathological people.  There is no need to commit spiritual suicide.  That is becoming again immature!  And I cannot stand 'nice' people for too long.  They bore me to death!  They do not have any spice, any taste to them at all!

Meditation, this art works only if you fall in love with it!  If you do it because it promises you something.  You'll miss!  Do it even if you know never you will see anything!  You are here practicing, loving just out of the sheer love of it! 

Oh, you say it well…thank God I didn't meet Osho!  I wouldn't teach either!  The only reason I teach, is I have never had a teacher! (laughing!)…I can have all the confidence I want!..nobody to compare myself to!

And if you are living in an unconscious way it makes no difference whether you live to seventy, eighty, ninety, a hundred; it does not matter.  Living consciously even for a single moment is enough.

I see you as Grace, Chaitanyo.  Falling into the Law of Grace.  Surrender through love, trust, egolessness.  We are not of the school of yoga…I do not think we can do it through will.  As you say, we have too much passion inside, too much 'stuff' we can trip over.  We simply love!..we simply open our heart to existence and say…”what you want to do with me.  When you want me, take me.  If you want me here I stay.  If you wish for me to suffer this mind some, sure..why not!  It is your will.  I will live anything..because I belong to you.  What was I thinking?  I will just enjoy till you tell me it is time for me to kiss you, kiss you lips to lips…feel your breath touching my neck.  I will wait in joy…even this bad day, You wanted me to have it.  I guess you had to take out the garbage!”  Yes?

It is almost impossible to get into our thick head..there is no way to seek truth because truth is not far away.  How can you seek the knower?  You are the truth. Once we learn this tremendous important fact, seeking and concern is useless.  Slowly, slowly as we trust, we sink into the profound truth.

I adore you that you talk to me, Chaitanyo.  I feel I have a sister!  I have never met anyone like you before!  It excites deeply to know someone is as goofy as me about love, meditation, Osho, the way, divine, Zen, Buddha..and has addictions too!  Wow!  That's awesome!  Me too! 

Buanas noches to you!  And sweet sweet dreams!
Lovingly,
Cheyenne

Dear Ram Prem!  I deleted my comment to you because I felt I should not tease you on-line!

I have danced now..and sat the first hour.   I feel when I sit that spirituality looks like a psychology game compared to the truth of it. 

People speak of becoming the light.  Really?  Do they really understand they will die a deeper death than they've ever died?  It is no joke. You must be able to withstand a light so strong and die to it, without actually losing consciousness.  Die…become no more.  And live as the Light of the World.

I am going to die this death.  It takes guts…you have to have courage to transform over and over.  Dying everyday, getting practice…right practice.  Not just talk…talk…talk.  Where are the real practitioners?

Oh, there you are!

Yes, we suffer, we suffer endlessly our egos..or false identities.  They are there walking, talking doing and it means absolutely nothing.  False.  But we cannot believe it.  It seems so real. 

Die O Yogi Die…this sweet, sweet death.  That make it sound so easy…and what could be easier than dying?  Living.

Do not stop until you win the crown..the Lord would say!

I return now…to practice!
Loving YOU!
and thanking you!
Cheyenne

What personally I have not deeply understood, that is coming home more and more….as Zen becomes breath…sitting becomes development, is the jump you must take into the illogical, into the paradoxical. 

Habits die hard!  The calculating mind…present even in spirituality, yet spirituality thrives on confusion, on chaos!  The whole effort is to sabotage all patterns.

Scientific and unscientific….

Effort without goal!….ha!

Effort without goal is quite different - it opens the door of truth which leads to the garden of Tathagata.

Wishing all a perfect day!

This is beauitful, Chatanyo!  You are sweet like chocolate! 

What a wonderful story you told us!…I belly laugh so loud when I read Osho's stories and jokes…I never expect the punch line…even if I read it many times already!  I fall off my chair laughing!

You have brought more than you know, I feel, to Ram Prem!

I am happy to read you are unstuck!  And not dying!  Living is such a long process. It takes guts, intelligence.  I feel the more intelligent a person, the deeper the quality, the more value you have on your life.

Yet I never before felt anything as beautiful as deaath.  Not even living compares.  The ultimate death must be sweeter than chocolate!

Your love is so beautiful, Chaitanyo!…
I wish you the most perfect day!
Lovingly,
Cheyenne

Hi, Ram Prem!…did you know I cannot eat chocolate!  Cannot even put it to my tongue!  My body does not like chocolate!……

My body likes discipline!  The gap!…awareness!  just being overflowing! Undisturbed by anything…!

Thank you, Ram Prem!

Lovingly,
Cheyenne

Wow!  Now, Chaitayno, you have made my mouth water!  You make chocolate very attractive!

but..oh, literally it would kill me.  It is like poison to my system.

Actually, all my life - it is sad (laughing) - all my system will take are raw vegetables, fruits, nuts - always others are eating delicious food and I am there with a carrot and trail mix.  My husband calls me 'parts per million' because I cannot breathe air that has the least bit of pollution or food that is not pure!..uh! - just as well that I enjoy discipline.

You make me smile!  Your overflowing! So beautiful!  I was shocked even unto myself when I discovered that despair was orgasmic.  A man I loved was telling me he was going, going away for quite some time.  And right there on the spot I became very orgasmic, wild!  He said, “What in the hell are you doing?!!!”  I was speechless with intensity and overwhelmed by my desire for him not to leave!….He kept demanding, stop it, what are you doing?…..

Learning to allow the overflow, just as you say, you learn that a voice entering you is orgasmic, water on your skin, ice - hot tea, a sound of 'mommy,' the sun reflecting the lake - and you do not have to DO anything, it happens..that is what excites the most - it happens.  it is happening right now!  that feeling! - that YES!

Thank you dearly, Chaitanyo, for sharing your love and overflowing passion for life and chocolate!

Lovingly,
Cheyenne

Alright now YOU, Ram Prem!  This Chaitanyo has done something YOU!

…chocolate will do nothing for my skin!   Only love does something to me!  Love is chocolate!  Than anything whatever can be applied to my skin!

Now you behave! (laughing!)

Lovingly!!!
Cheyenne

Dear dear Chi!  It is the very fact that nothing is permanent that makes it so blissful!  So beautiful!  Chocolate is not forever!…knowing one another in this form is not forever!  Every moment is bliss - because it is not forever!

I can definitely well imagine that you are honey!  And love and laughter!

prrrrrring and always with LOVE~!
Cheyenne

Hi, Chaitanyo!…we are of the same blood, the same line of people…I smell you.  And I understand perfectly every word you say.

I assure you, you couldn't say or do anything, that I wouldn't love and accept and rejoice in.  I know..we are passionate.  I understand the vulnerability that goes with this curse, with this blessing.  and madness too.

I am a 'what you see is what you get' person.  Not much I  hide.  But that's because most are on the surface or from a different family than me.  Where I get wild, where I am unable to be predicted is if you move me to my instincts.  God knows I am an animal..and God knows I need work here to bring it up to awareness.  The difficulty is I do not have a man, a lover to hold this space, one strong enough to hold my craziness, to want me this way..so I am left to love myself, but the polarity is not great enough.  There's enough, I can do some…I am masculine enough to hold myself even..but when a man holds me, I am unapproachable, demanding, violent, crazy, insane, unreasonable, and passionate unbelievable…no place in society even deserves to taste it, much less that I would bring it there.  It is too beautiful, too real, too right, too God!  It is right only for a lover of the right mind also…the right chemistry..until then, I work inch by inch…moment to moment to bring what I can to awareness, to consciousness…until I am fully awareness!  fully conscious.  It is a process! 

That is the real me, Chi!…I hide nothing…only one must meet us where they want to know us
…I am a pole..reaching high and deep!..And I know you this way too!

I understand, Chi!…let it out with me if you like.  I assure you I can handle it!  And even desire to know another as they are!  Not afraid!  I wish for you to talk anyway you want…no nice talk needed!…I adore YOU!…I truly do!

I must run!  I have a private showing up and I just got out of the shower!

I love you too, Chiatanyo!  Sincerely..
Cheyenne

Chaitanyo, thank you!…I have been thinking of your words. 

You know, I sincerely don't think we have to achieve anything…nothing!  Just know ourselves.  People have an idea of perfection…ha!  Their idea of perfection looks like a grave to me.  Just get everything under control..and you are perfect.  Nonsense!  It is wild being alive!  Nothing to fix, nothing to change…just live everything we are!

I miss those wild parts of myself…I don't wish to change them..I just wish to experience them so I can know them! 

“be a light unto yourself.”  the lord would say..

There's a difference between being and becoming.  Becoming is a process.  - no process needed.

Being is a discovery!  Be - a light - unto - yourself.  Not a question of achieving or being different…only a question of recognition.

A seed is already a tree.  It does not change!  I do not feel I will change. Only grow into what I am…only first I must be aware.  I never have changed!  20 years of sincere practice and I have not changed at all……

It is self-discovery!  When I get to know you in all the ways you are..I know divinity in all its aspects. 

We have been brought up in such a way, that we all become extroverts.  The whole focus is outward..the goal 'out there' somewhere.  No!..the only goal is to know all the wild and crazy things about ourselves before time runs out.  Know what is in the light…and what is in the dark (smile!)..crazy self!!!  Not to change.  I wouldn't change anything about me if you gave me Buddhahood on a platter! …I only wish to know it ALL!  Fully!  and totally!

I hope you show always what you feel..and know how I rejoice in it ALL!

Lovingly…silent and deep bow to you!
Cheyenne

Chaitanyo, what a letter!  I enjoyed it so much that I began to cry!…
 
There is no way to escape suffering!..none!  It is enlightenment!  Suffering will bring you present quicker!  If you are aware of your suffering, totally, there's a blissfulness to it.  It is the mind that wishes to escape it that brings the illusion.  If we are bliss, happy, sad, suffering, dying, living, excruciating, exotic-ating!…being aware of it is enlightenment - until there is nothing we not aware of and the mind that tries to escape has been utterly exhausted and we have no place to be but here.
 
I suffer often headaches that feel like knives in my skull.  I have one right now..I get up often in the middle of the night because it is difficult to sleep with my head in such pain.  And I tell honestly, I love it.  I get up and sip coffee and sit smiling feeling the pain, excruciating in my head…and I love it because I do not fantasize, I do not think 'about' anything else.  The pain brings me so present, so right now that a light so brilliant gathers inside of me and I enter the center of the hurricane…feeling everything, yet totally a witness, transcended, feeling somehow only blissfulness..if for one moment the thought comes that I do not want this headache, I suffer..and move into mind, darkness, illusion. 
 
with no pain, I tend to fantasize, and it is difficult to meditate when someone is making erotic sounds in the room…especially if that person is you!  So pain can be helpful!
 
Oh, relationshp are a trip.  I am married to one of the most brilliant intellects..well, he !..Brilliant!  His whole family is brilliant! Intellectually!…and I total feeling.  Before meeting him I could barely put a sentence together..only laughing and playing the whole day long!   Oh, we are so different!  Painfully different.  But he taught me to be intellectual negatively.  If I didn't I would die in a world of concepts and theories.  I learned how to rip every concept he had apart till nothing was left in the room but silence and I breathe some freedom.  And I feel so accomplished because I can destroy everything he says!…so bad, so bad..I am! 
 
When we fight, Chaitanyo…I go and sit silently with a smile.  He says to me, 'what are you doing.”  I say, “I am feeling deeply what a pain in the ass you are.  I am feeling it so deeply because I want to remember it as the main memory of my life.  That way if I see you next life, I will turn quickly and go the other way!  Something in me will remember what pain you are.  Because if I don't, you are so attractive, so brilliant, I might get caught again!”  and the look on his face will make me laugh so uproarously that we both laugh!…I adore him.  Truly I do!…..but geeeezzzz!  And he knows I am really doing this!…yet somehow he adores me..I know he does.  and I am fascinated why he would put up with me! 
 
I feel, Chi, we will suffer no matter…and we love, and laugh and cry, and be wild!  and be very calm and boring!…the matter is are we utterly aware!  utterly present with it!  The courage to tell the truth -that is enlightenment….the couage to be the truth - even when death comes just facing it, like we did the boyfriend, the headache, the lover, the ecstasy…just facing it all!  No illusion, no escape.  Present.
 
Yes!  I am so glad we have meet!  It feels good to bailing out a sinking ship and seeing someone else there doing it too!…then it is more fun!  more joyful!…
 
YOU…you are precious to me!  I do mean this!  You are precious!…Gold!   Priceless! 
 
I feel a complete commune with you!
Lovingly!
Cheyenne

Laughing uproariously!….Oh, Chaitanyo!  I have an appointment so I will come back to your previous letter, but this made me laugh so!

Yes…that is exactly what i say…become enlightened for God sake!

I do this Yoni meditation…..jesus!  It does indeed help the headache! Sexuality is the most precious energy!…and it flows from my soul so intensely!  Like a violent hunger that needs to be satisfied.  And I tease it…and say, “you will get your satisfaction, little pussy cat…it is at the crown.  Ring it!  Touch it!  And I promise you will be happy!  You will be satisfied!  Don't stop!..keep going, growing.  I support you..but you support me!..it is a relationship yes?  I give you what you want…you give what I want.  The crown!”

Smiles to YOU!!…Loving you!…intensely!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VUm7KavaYkc&feature=fvw

Hi Ram Prem!  Oh, you know, I should not tease on line.  Because Tantra is a true art, and I do not wish for it to be thought of merely as a game of sexuality.  It is purely about love!…it is purely about the truth of our energy and the flow to open the heart and rise..and meet God.  To know God as your body, as our love, your heart, your sex…to know yourself as God.

It has been heralded that Patanjali was the Einstein of Meditation.  I feel Shiva did even a better job.  Shiva was even more scientific.  Of the 112 techniques this beautiful lord left, only three were concerned with sexuality.  109 were concerned with other methods of being and realization.  I have pracitced each and every one over and over the last 25 years..each one is special….each one gives a form of development and opens your body and mind to gifts of meditation.

This art has taken a beaten.  But I feel it is okay.  We have been a very repressed people.  And I hope as so much has gone beyond repression..now even to indulgence…that those with ability and true love will find the meditative tantric flow.  See the utter beauty..

..and even the amazing scientific truths of energy!

My heart breaks what I have seen this art become…so I should not add to it.  Yet…it is also about nonseriousness!  about play!  about love!  It is an Art!  Meditation is an Art!  Like dancing, painting - the art of living.  The art of loving..the art of dying the ultimate death!

Oh!  Thank you, Ram Prem!  Luckily we are in a time where we will not be burnt!

I see smoke often in sessions of samadhi.  Often my mind will break and suddenly a smoke like atmosphere..

Sending you much love!
Cheyenne

Good Morning, Chaitanyo!!!

Yes, yes ,yes!  I enjoy your letter very much!  Like I could see you through a hologram!…I feel like I see movies when I read your words!

It does make me laugh that we run here and there trying to discovery ourselves!  We make discovering ourselves a goal!  How can it be a goal?!!!!  Like we are somewhere in the future!  I'm laughing today about it!

Yes, pain!  If we feel it, we will naturally do something about it, yes?  Exactly.  It is not even a matter of making efforts or trying…we simply respond from our awareness.  If we live in the phony, in the unreal - then of course, just as you say, you deal with the phony and unreal..and nothing really changes.

I tell you sincerely, Chaitanyo…even my husband says it…and everyone I have ever known - they do not worry about me being abused.  They worry about whom I will abuse!  I am from an uneducated culture.  Most people literally, sincerely did not get even a third grade education.  So we did not sit around and 'discuss' our problems, no.  If you felt energy, you let the other know in quite a gross way..and if it could not be settled quickly with words, you finished it in a fight. 

This is why I love Bodhidharma, Zen…!  This is why I call Bodhidharma my Father!  I understand the way of Zen! I was born into it!  It is not the way of 'talk'..'intellectual'…phony.  A man of Zen is a problem in this world.  He is misunderstood..you cannot understand him. You cannot reason with him.  You can not understand a person of Zen according to your values!  Zen means here and now!…!!! Zen does not mean I live for peace, bliss, not for anything!  So you meet someone of Zen..and you think 'oh, a nice little kitty, full love for God.'  and ROAAARRR!….

You just live!  Effort - without any goal!  I love that statement of Zen.  God!  I want to fall on the floor and worship!!!  You make constant effort - without any goal!  You cannot imagine how I love it!  It makes me crazy and wild!…just to be!  Effort without goal!  to become the fullness of the Tathagata!  The fullness of “suchness.”!  Tathagata the most important word in my vocabulary!  And I will kiss them one day…!  See them face to face!  Laughing with Bodhidharma!

What is the root of misery!?  Goal-oriented mind!  Constant escape into a goal!  Mind is the root of misery!  Cut the root!  Zen says! 

The day you see the root things are very clear!..as you say, you will not allow it!  Cut the root and the whole thing withers away of its own accord.  Anger and greed, sexuality, jealousy, possessiveness - everything disappears! 

But we don't want to cut the root!…that's the paradox we are living!  we go on watering it! (laughing!)…training and refining the mind.  OH, God…I take the sword of the Samarai and plunge it into myself!!!!  over and over!  Cut!

Society!…you say well, Chiatanyo!

There is a beautiful cure for society - Kama Sutra! (smile!).  good medicine!  Then whatever!  I am fine to be selling tomatoes for you!

thank you so very much! …hug!!!
And I wish you the most perfect day, Chaitanyo!

lovingly!!!
Cheyenne

Chaitanyo!  Thank you so much!  Dearly!…I must laugh and tell you something.  Before I opened the email…there was a spider on my computer…I became fascinated with her.  I blew a little air and she dropped down, suddenly with her web (!)…wow!  I began watching her..reflecting “she lives in zen. I will study her.”  Watching, contemplating her..how she moves, how does she reason?…then I took a few moments to get her on a plate and put her outside…

…then I read your word…”you cannot hurt a mosquito!”..I laughed.  Or a spider!

I could feel your words, Chaitanyo!  And we must remember continually (!), the society has made us absolutely artificial.  It has given us ideas, it has imposed certain moralities, character upon us!  It has destroyed our spontaneity.  We must regain it.

That is the most essential thing to be done.  Once we reclaim our naturalness, then we can be spontaneous!..then the divine begins to happen in us!  I would tell those around me whom I was rebelling against to gain my soul..”I do not mind even if I fight you to my grave!  If all I accomplish in this one life is my heart, my soul….if you kill me this moment…I will have accomplished something before you bury me!  I accomplished myself!”  It is not easy…it seems you must come against those you love the most!  Those who you gathered the most precious ego with!…and they will try and hold you.  But it has a happy ending!

Even as a little bit of awakening occurs you begin to understand what has happened, what is happening, what has transpired. 

Our sleep is deep!  We need a hammer over the head!  Even that is no guarantee!  We are living with mad people, utterly and entirely asleep!  I never forget it. 

Daily, daily…keep the nose, the heart, the mind riveted upon the Masters..because if you listen to anyone outside of you, they will lead you to a grave!  Here in California, EVERYBODY is Enlightened Master!  Everyone in California is Enlightened….!  God sanctioned California for all the Ascended Masters to have reunion! 

It seems amazing to me..that each has their own guide!  the divine is here, as their heart, leading them!  The heart always knows!  This is so special..that I cry!…The heart always knows!  It is the divine, and it is the center of our being.

It is existence itself!…and it is us! 

Buddha said, “The future teacher will be Maitreya.”  Everybody is looking for Maitreya. “Maitreya” means “a friend.” - I believe Buddha was saying that in the future there will not be guru (!)…no, the future guru will be a friend.  The age of master, guru is gone!  Now it is the age of Friend. (smile!)…

Sending you big kiss!  And love!
lovingly!
Cheyenne

Ram Prem!  Chaitanyo says it very well.  When she wrote it, I smiled wide!  Yes, you are love!  You are!  You are listening, you are truth…and you are love!  I feel that about you also!  She is right!  Nothing else are you!…you embody it so completely!…it is YOU!   simply YOU!

and yes..simple things.

Understanding - awareness - alertness - the capacity to see things as they are - and then there is no need to escape from anywhere!  Wherever you are - the fire!

Satori is our nature!
Samadhi is our nature!
God is our nature…

Simply go nowhere - rest in what is!

Thank you dearly dearly, Ram Prem!
All my love!
Cheyenne

Dear Janak!  I also removed my response!…maybe I should not be so stubborn.

I have a pain in my soul!  And the “enlightenment is easy” campaign touches that pain inside of me…like “how dare they!  Do they not know what they are saying?  Masters?  Saying this?  That it is easy?”  Maybe it is that it was easy for them…and I know how difficult it is.  How it takes a life commitment!  And true understanding and a full heart to carry this through!..

Please pardon me for not honoring with more respect the link you so put here!..you know I adore you!  even love you.  And I will practice better manners (smile!).

Again, I have another private session, so I must go now!

I'm sorry for being so stubborn and forthright in that response! 

Lovingly,
Cheyenne

Chaitanyo, you are so beautiful! 

Thank you dearly for your words!  I am learning as time goes on.  I am learning about others…I am learning about myself.  I am learning what is unique about each person. 

I feel I should not have responded after the first time listening.  It is a beautiful video.  Yet it challenged me in how I feel about the people I work for, work with.  I could not simply say to them, 'why don't you change?  If you cared, you would change?  You don't care..you don't care about your children, or there wouldn't be wars'…when I heard that it seemed I didn't hear anything else.  I simply hurt for the people!  I believe they care!

I know people do care…they want to change so much.  And I work with people that after given right practice and support, they do change!  It is a miracle what practice can give someone!  I rejoice everyday with people that their lives were practically lost..!  And now they believe with all their heart, they too can be an enlightened master.  Change their life and live without anxiety and despair, daily becoming masters of themselves and their lives!  I rejoice no greater happiness! 

I honestly and sincerely apologize.  It is not a poor video.  I watched again and realized it just triggered the pain I feel working with others and myself.

He said one thing that I absolutely agree with in this video.  He said,

dang!  I just wish to hug you!  YOU!  Starlight!  Thank you so much for the complement!

Dance the moment!

with love!

I hope your day is fantastic!  Sending you all love!
Cheyenne

Good Morning, Janak!  wow!  thank you for the story!  I could sit and listen to stories of Shiva for an eternity!

And I smiled so big that you put my name with Shvia!  Oh, my dream! (laughing!)

I've been in love with a Shiva before!  A man with passion, wisdom and utter love and devotion to a woman!  It is the most transforming experience of my life!  A man's love is divine!

Janak, here we are again with Krisnamurti!  And I will say again.  Listening to his words, I have to assume he has never sat before one person and tried to sincerely help them.  Maybe it is that he sat before crowds…but not before individuals. 

“Where there is love, do what you will it will be right action. But never bring conflict to oneself.  So it is important to see that jealousy and antagonist, conflict has no place in life where there is love.”

Never would I say this to an individual seeking the way! 

How can you say to someone...”where there is love, do what what you will it will be right action.” (okay..fine)..”but never bring conflict to oneself. - now how can a person not do this?  Who is he talking to?  Man is a walking conflict!  It would kill him instantly to feel them all at once!  Life is contradiction!  Love will bring more conflict to you than you ever dreampt was possible!  It will turn you so hard that you'd wish you were dead!

Who is he talking to?

“So it is important to see that jealousy and antagonist, conflict has no place in life where there is love” -  I am trying to avoid telling you I would throw him out (smile!)..I wish for him to stay because he is your friend!  Yet I do not teach this…nor do I support it. 

We have been conditioned for centuries not to accept yourself.  All the teachers and cultures have poisoned us.  Trying to improve on us.  They created all the anxiety in us. We make man feel guilty.  Man will feel jealous, antagonistic, conflict - and yes..love mixed in!  And someone goes with a false smile - they have somehow succeeded to Krisnamurti's words - and the reward for him is that he is phony! The phony is accepted..he puts on the face, the smile.  He is not jealous, antagonistic..he is phony!

These emotions happen, Janak, and people punish themselves for it, instead of accepting themselves.  Things get bumpy (!) and you will not be able to avoid it, you will punish yourself and soon you leave the work altogether.

How can such a horrible person like you attain enlightenment, attain to Krisnamurti's vision?  Nonsense!

It is a talk about peace, that is nothing but a cold war against yourself.

I feel Krisnamurti is genuine….and that is how it hurts people.  A good man, saying things that is practically useless to the average person.  Layers and layers accumulated in man.

Christianity, Hinduism, Buddhism, Zen, Tibetian Buddhism, Gita, Srimads, Tantra, Yoga!  OH, the arts are so beautiful!  Personally I gave my entire energy, life, love and devotion to them all!  And in the end, I threw the philosophy out!  I teach only the practices from these arts!  ONLY!  All day long, every day, teaching practice.

A person can stand around and shout out a pretty philosophy, and get so energetic about it that others believe something must be good.  And they develop a pretty mind around it, but they themselves never change.  Never become masters.  They just now have a different argument.

It is as you say…he is of a different flavor than myself.  I am a ground level person.  I go to hell with people and I teach them not to be afraid of it!  I teach them that this is a part of you.  Enter it!   I teach them to reject nothing of themselves, but to embrace it, enter it, learn of it, transcend, transform!  You never hear me speaking philosophy!…

….I could never see myself standing up somewhere say,  Love will never bring conflict!…do not bring conflict!  You don't care if your children are murdered.  If you did there would not be wars!  Where there is love there is no jeolousy, no antagonistic feelings…..

Janak, baby!  Who is he speaking to?  Pretty words to me.  Useless! 

I do see and understand him…..again, it is as you say…I'm a different sort of friend..one that embraces all of your pain.  Even is excited about the darkness, the ugliness..more excited about that than your pretty little ideas about divniity and god!

Thank you again, Janak!…I do love you and appreciate everything about you!

Sincerely!  and with love!
Cheyenne

Hi, Janak!  I am feeling so good right now!  Enjoying so deeply feeling the energy rush through my body and veins!  Morning training is the best to me!
 
You know, Janak, I think a difference, a conflict, might be arising because I do not admire saints…I am not wishing for people to be saints.  I am wishing for people to be like animals!  Pure in their living and sensitivity.  Walking the earth alive like an animal, and more - Man! - Woman! 

Personally, I am not guiding people any direction.  I only help undress them…help them become nude, take off what has been laid upon you…and let's see what's underneath!  Not even I know! It will be unique.  It will be special..it will be YOU!…Divine!  

I tend to listen 90 percent of the time…and when we both become silent.  They tell me!  I do not tell them. They reveal themselves to me.  I reflect them…give them a friend.  Speak of practices that might give distance from the entrapment.  And encourage freedom! 

No outcome!  No values!  No pre-determined actions…just alive!  No two people the same!  I do not wish for people to be saints.  I wish to see them free!  Enjoying the beauty of this divine animal!  This very special soul.

Maybe, I felt, this is the conflict.  Maybe, I felt, I should change my sign..not enlightenment and meditation center…but “Discovering Who You Are - Before Your Mother and Father.”

Maybe!

Lovingly,
Cheyenne

Janak!  You humble me and bring me to tears…

first off..I love when a man calls me baby!..oh god.  I just smile!..

I feel I come across so strong, so determined and forthright…and also I am quite weak, vulnerable, flowing - my body aches with love constantly, and my heart throbbing…I feel at times I am as weak as a rose petal.  My intimate friends are always having to calm me down.  I call London, crying for half hour!  And then the next moment I will literally swipe your head off with one strike!”

Please do not sensor what you place on these blogs.  They are not mine.  They are community - this is what I wish for. 

I have been so grateful for Gaia.  I have learned what one would take a life to learn relating to all people from everywhere..!  This year has been a great joy for me.

So you are also right, who will we throw out!  My husband says this to me too!  He says, “Who will we invite over that you will not throw out!”…Can you imagine, Janak!   Yet at the same time, I am tender….play with children all day!…laugh till I hurt! 

I am purrring…please, find every way possible to irritate me.  I enjoy it..and I want it.  and I like learning from what you post!

Lovingly, and sincerely!
cheyenne

The music…oh, the poster!  Beautiful!

O, Chaitanyo!  Thank you!

I must smile!  I have spent weeks with one gentleman that called me, in pain, wondering how or if I can help him.  That he was soon to spend $2,000 learning transcendental meditation.   I said to him, “Why don't you save your money and go buy some drugs.  Transcendental does the same as a sleep pill.” 

He said..”Oh, everybody thinks they have the best.”  I told him, “I do have the best.  And I am the best.  You come.  What you have told me of yourself, I have the perfect methods for you.” 

And he did come!  And we spent weeks together!  He transformed like magic before my eyes!  He awakened right before my eyes!  A man that told me he was on his last leg..and truly had nowhere else to go.  I see him now shining!  Sincerely shining.

The last session we had..I said to him “Now, now that you understand something about meditation, go, go and learn transcendental.  It will help you.  Learn every meditation you can!”   “Do not turn away anything!  Learn every art!  You are safe now.  You understand something about yourself..about the art of knowing yourself - not escaping.”

There is a time and place to give the right medicine. 

Oh, Chaitanyo!  You say it right…I am frustrated..because I want to save the world.  I wish for my soul to be empty, poured out and used up before my last breath!

In Zen we are taught, Be a Bold Teacher!  Debate with other teachers..not because you believe the others are wrong, no!  But because your confidence will help others have confidence in the work you offer!….If you are wishy-washy and you agree with this and that..you float like a butterfly, you will not be effective. People will be confused and not have confidence in your work.  I could see this point!  So I embraced it!

As I embrace YOU!!!…loving you totally! Thank you dearly, Chatianyo! 

Big Day!  My daughter's spend the nite birthday party!..we are decorating!

Lovingly!
Cheyenne

Yes!  I just wrote you and will share again here!  My daughter, she is 10 now!  So beautiful..so long and graceful, so delicate and giving.

When she came to be in my belly, I was so upset!  I could not imagine raising a girl.  I cried so much during this time!  And the day she was born, my heart opened for the first time as a woman!  I saw her and my compassion broke!  My baby girl! 

The nite I held her in my arms at the hospital..all night a voice sung “Righteousness..righteousness!”  Over and over the angel sung..the whole nite!

I began a true journey, studying every Goddess I could get my hands on.  I enter my soul and become a woman!  For her!  For her!  I said to her, I will give you somebody you can follow!  Not the broken woman I am now..you deserve so much more than that!  And always I look at her as my hero!

I sing this song to her always!  She hates it when I do!..(laughing!)..but then she smiles too!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hDURv8fj9dk

Thank you, Chaitanyo!

Lovingly!
Cheyenne

Janak!  Thank you so much!  I love your stories and heart!  Your words brought tears to my eyes.

Calm me down!…do you know I do not enjoy being calmed down! I like it when people excite me…challenge me….! 

Maybe ego!  I study this very much!

I am not a Queen, Janak!  

I will tell you a secret.  Have you ever seen Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon?  I sometimes feel like the girl that learned on her own the art..had no master. And when Master Li Mu Bai said she had talent, but didn't understand the art…..I froze.  I wondered…I questioned inside… ached, as I love to train and would love to know someone who understands deeply this art - that I trust that could challenge me to grow.

Dreaming…yes!

I am a beggar!….a street girl…

I am in love with Master Li Mu Bai!  I feel him, yet I have not met him.  I want to be with him, yet I do not know who or where he is.  I miss him…and feel somehow incomplete without him.

He said about his meditation practice:
“During my meditation training, I came to a place of deep silence.  I was surrounded by light. Time and space dissappeared.  I had come to a place my master had never told me about.” 
the girl asked, “You were enlightened.”
Master Li Mu Bai said, “No.  I didn't feel the bilss of enlightenment. Instead, I was surrounded by endless sorrow.  I couldn't bear it. I broke off my meditation. I couldn't go on. There was something pulling me back.”
“What was that”, she asked.
“Something I cannot let go off.”

That is the story of my life up to date!…Something I cannot let go of.  I try. I try and stab the empty bag to kill what is pulling me back!  I am still a beggar! 

I do not seem to want to die in peace!  I want to die in war!  I wish to fight!  I wish to train!  I wish to live near a master!  A man or woman with total grace and learn from them.

But I am dreaming!  I am a mother of five children!…I teach meditation in Tahoe City…reality I see.  But in my soul..I feel a time either gone past or to come!  I am seeking to kill the illusion…

…and become a queen!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4xzpSPSkBHc&feature=fvw

Until then!  I enjoy dancing to the music you send!…with all my heart!

 You have to live this moment as totally as possible because the next moment may not come ever!

I kiss your tears!  And if you try and calm me down, you will get a fight! (smile!)!!!

Lovingly!
Che

Dear Chaitanyo!  I so much enjoyed reading your letter there was so m u c h in it!….I enjoyed this:

Time in a way is a fantasy, we have only this now, and transformation is happening now, them is not idea of transformation….
We are existence itself and we leave like if this is a dream…. 

It is an awakening just reading this!

and this:

if we hug eachother openly putting together all the chakras incluiding sex chakra we can reguvenate each other and life will flow with reverance in our bodies…and fredom for love to happen.

Actually!  And sincerely, I feel the healing I receive from relating here with you and all of you! …like a chakra connection from across the ocean!  Thank you so much!  And you make me laugh, truly!  How honest you are about practice…”I think I go crazy!”…I know! 

I feel today a heightened feeling of how LOVE is enlightenment.  Even I feel it relating here.  How nothing we DO is enlightenment….but Love is enlightenment.  Love one to another, Love as sharing, Love as becoming, Love as pain.  I feel it strongly today.  and I feel it here with you..and the others!

Thank you dearly, Chaitanyo..

..and thank you so much for saying the beautiful words about me and the others that come here.  I know you can well imagine how honored I feel to work with others…what a blessing to share!

I send you a big Kiss!  Our party is big success!

I hope nite is beautiful…beautiful!
Lovingly,
Cheyenne

And Janak!  What a funny story about the thief!

I know you would enjoy kissing a boy, yes?  No?  Maybe?  Never? Sometimes?….

…I have never kissed a girl.  Twice in my  life, a girl tried to kiss me, and I got so confused I bumped into the wall!…my brain went haywire!

I enjoyed your words about imploding..!

After time to relax…after training!  I realized how right your words are. Calm!   I feel so calm!  and in the reflection of the still water, I feel everyone's voice!  And I smile! 

I am a little blown away today…what an enlightened group of people here!  We are all enlightened!…I honestly feel that somehow!  The beauty of sharing has given me this feeling!….this wondrous feeling.

Love is communication - the Course in Miracles says!

I feel that today!

Sleep well, Janak!..
Sweet dreams!…sweet dreams!
Lovingly,
Cheyenne

Yes!  You are very poetic!  All you wrote of love, mountains, masters!

Beautiful!

Sometimes my mind will not wrap anything…like tonight.

Imbibe it…feel it..the song of the mountain.  The song of the master, love.

Masters are good for me because I love them….and love takes me out of my mind. 

You make me smile, Janak!  What sort of facts you share!  Well, I guess I am some responsible for those mountains!  I feel so much violence inside myself!  The odd thing is I like it…it feels good to me. The lava..the heat. 

I start moving inward, and all those facets disappear, no lava, no heat, no mountain, no master…just energy!  Energy! Life arises from in inner source and spreads to the upper sky!  It can feel like violence..rising like a mountain inside. 

Complete mystery!  Everything disappears into a whisper..a sound.  Non-desire rising!

Anna and the King!  Yes!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qx_fooK-wI&feature=related

This actor is so beautiful!  I enjoy this company and these actors..you see them over and over, yes?, in many wonderful films! 

Good nite, Janak!  I hope your day is beautiful.  Now my nite begins..the music of silence!

Lovingly,
Cheyenne

Janak!  I think you have turned my mind to music!

Have you ever had song play in your heart all nite long as you sleep?

I awoke with a smile!….”top of the world……..

Must have been that mountain talk!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vKeJ8mXl22E

I hope you're good today!
Love!
Cheyenne

Oh, Janak!  I was not able to open the song!  I will try and seek it.

But I must tell you something.  I do practice this somehow….YEARS of Tibetan Buddhist practice!  One of the many marvelous practices that we do is Deity Yoga, Deity Meditation.  We sit for hours becoming - seeing ourself as our chosen Deity.

It is based on inner power, inner strength!  At first it is a seed-like experience, yet as you practice, it becomes a stronger and stronger reality!  It is reality, but we have been conditioned to believe we are not Gods..we are not Deities. 

The mind has infinite abilities.  Yet we are conditioned to believe we are small.

It just as you say, in your ordinary life whatever you are doing, feel god is there…you are god.  Just believe for a few days that you are a deity, that you are not the body.  Not thinking it, feeling it!  Your body goes moving farther and farther way, and soon you can feel a power, a pervading presence, an explosive truth!

It is true!  All things are a state of mind!  God is a state of mind.

This is not hypnosis….it is not a trick.  It is to bring you to the reality of you.

So, I understand you…!  The X-factor!…the divine within!

And thank you dearly, Janak!

I bow!…
and love..
prrrrrrrrrrr….

Lovingly!
Cheyenne

Leez!  Thank you sincerely!

wishing you much love!

Cheyenne